Fence Post Diaries

On election day, it seems appropriate to wonder about the perfect presidential candidate. I had to look no further than my own pasture to find the perfect president. Really! Read on to check out my criteria and why “Cow” is the perfect chief executive….

Economy and Job Creation:
Cows produce 100+ pounds of poop per day. “Shovel-ready” jobs are there for the taking if we elect a cow to be president.

Foreign policy:
“Good fences make good neighbors”….OK, bad example….

Bipartisanship and cooperation:
Have you noticed, during fly season, that cows actually stand head to tail and swat flies for their neighbor? Neither cow screams about how “biased” the flies are, nor do they engage in long, protracted discussions about how close to stand, how many swats per minute each is responsible for, or what “buzz”word to use in reference to the flies….cows simply partner up and start swatting.

Commander-in-chief:
Have you ever watched a herd of cows when a coyote gets in the pasture? Good luck terrorists.

Family values:
If it “takes a village”, then cows do their part. Every spring, I watch as all the calves are planted in a particular area and cows take turns watching over the “nursery” until their herd mates are done grazing and come back to claim their young.

Environment:
Cows are the ultimate recyclers. They take grass and other stuff we humans cannot eat and turn it into steak, milk, hamburger, cheese, yogurt….need I say more?

Leadership and Results:
Around our place, cows who do not produce a calf every year are sent off to the packer. As a result of holding our cows accountable, we have produced a herd of very productive cows.

In the early days of managing our herd, we had conflicting goals. As a result, our cows did not always meet our expectations. Once we consolidated our goals and expected results based on those criteria, it was amazing how quickly the cows could produce results.

Can you come up with other reasons why a cow would make a good President?