I really am not sure if I should tell this story. It makes me seem like a terrible, horrible, cruel person. And I am not a terrible, horrible, cruel person. I just caused a possum to have a horrible, terrible, no-good, very-bad death.
One evening, the hubby and sons were off at some activity and I had to do chores. As I peeked into the chicken coop, I was greeted by an ugly, nasty critter wandering on the floor below irate hens.
With no shooting lessons from the hubby, I had to select a different weapon…ummm….I looked around.
Metal fence post?
I grabbed a pitchfork with 5 tines, speared the hissing possum and carried it outside. At first, it appeared that my initial stab was enough to kill it. I pushed the tines into the dirt and left to feed hay to the cattle.
I came back a few minutes later, and my fear was confirmed. The possum was still alive.
My next best option? (In hindsight, this really is as stupid as it sounds.) The pickup.
I moved the possum onto the gravel path and pulled the pitchfork out of the poor creature. I got into the pickup and drove over it. Upon inspection, the “roadkill” appeared to be dead.
I went back to finish cattle chores then came back to look at the possum one more time. To my great dismay, I could see it breathing. Arghhhh! What was supposed to be a quick death for a varmint was turning into torture.
I picked up the pitchfork, took a deep breath and stabbed the critter again. This time, I got it right and the possum died immediately. I performed a quick burial and finished chores.
Since that time, I got a shooting lesson from hubby. It went poorly. The milk jug filled with water escaped unharmed. This means I am still without a humane critter-disposal option.
Fortunately, word seems to have gotten out on the possum grapevine. It has been a few years since one of those nasty, hissing, ugly, un-charming creatures has paid a visit to the pets or chickens.
This post is my way of apologizing in advance. If there is ever a possum-zombie apocalypse, it is my fault. Be sure to have your torches and, uh, pitchforks ready.