Fence Post Diaries

The unique challenges of raising children on a farm or ranch include some strange sentences–ones that I am sure are uttered by no other women than farm moms…

-You cannot show a baby raccoon at the county fair.
-Take it back outside.
-No really, I don’t think the extension office will add a raccoon class. Take it back outside.

-Go outside and pee. I just cleaned the bathroom.

-You have to choose between football camp and shooting sports.

-Give that apple back to the horse

-No, the bull is not trying to play leapfrog with the cow.
-Go talk to your dad.

-Is it show-and-tell-day at school?
-What is in that bag?

-What is that behind momma kitty you ask?
-Um…well…it is a kitten…
-Yes, the kitten is just being born.
-Yes, the kitten is fine….see, it is meowing already.
-How did the kitten get there?
-Go talk to your dad.

-You are so lucky you have chores.
-Really, someday you will know you lucky you are.

-You do realize this animal is not a pet and we are probably going to eat it someday.
-You do?
-You are brushing her because you heard about Japanese beef and how good it tastes because the calves get massaged every day.
-Carry on.

-No, the calf is not trying to eat its mother’s tummy.
-Dad told you to talk to me about that didn’t he?

What did I miss? Add your suggestions in the comments!